I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
