I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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