Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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