maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
