I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
