I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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