someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
