apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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