I faked an abortion last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
