I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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