i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
