Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
