if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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