I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
