I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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