I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
