Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
