But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
