he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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