The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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