i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
