do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
