I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
