Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dignity is for republicans.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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