Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
