Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
