Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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