oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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