so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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