i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
