Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
