Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
