Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
