my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
