Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
