okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
