What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
