we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
