Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
