tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
