from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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