I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
