don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
