There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
