He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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