just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
