I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
