And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
