but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
