he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
