I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just blew my weed a kiss
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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