he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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