i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize