can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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