You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a search helicopter?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
