so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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