I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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