Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
