Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You took a bar mat shot.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
