I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
