I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
