elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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