listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
