Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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