girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
There's even glitter on my cock...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
