You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
