I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
