why didn't you poke me back
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
