She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
