i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
