I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
